Please let me out of this dark, scary place, i’m being torn apart at the seams, i am being shackled by your chains. My inner demons are tormenting me, it’s eating me from inside out, i want the good ol’ days back. I just want to get through the day, the lights are flickering more, the walls are closing up even further, i can’t breathe, i’m going to hyperventilate.
He mentioned that he felt that things were too heavy for him, and there was a lot of emotional baggage in his mind, and he needed to release it. He stood in solidarity with his fans, showing that he has been dealing with a lot of issues.
Educating society on mental health and trying to eradicate the stigma of mental illness is a battle hard fought, but one that is absolutely needed. One of the best ways to gain an insight into the mind and daily struggles of what someone with mental health illnesses goes through is no doubt through books.
I am currently wading through the thick muck and mire of recovery from childhood sexual abuse, and sometimes it gets ugly. My therapist says that I “check out” as a defense mechanism – that I numb myself by disassociating from the trauma. And I do. Because I’m terrified to feel my feelings. I’m terrified that if I really let them out, I will be crushed by them. I’m getting there, slowly, one painful step at a time. But I’m getting there.
What struck me in the above extract was Mattew’s sense of powerlessness and lack of control over his relapse, recovery and treatment journey in the health and family system. We want every individual in Singapore to have a safe space to reach out and tell his/her story. To have one’s emotions and experiences held tight. We want to create a community that validates not only the joy and triumphs of life, but also the pain and secret shames embedded in your personal journeys.
Sometimes when I go for therapy it feels like I’m giving over control to my therapist and I leave sessions feeling extremely needy (e.g. I start counting down days till the next time I see her so she can challenge and calm my multiplying irrational thoughts and impulses back down again).
She grinned at him and leaned back in her chair. “You’ve stopped fighting them, Jonah. That’s the first step, to acknowledge their existence. The next step is to learn to reason with them, to find a place for them in your life. That’s the only way that they’ll make room for you. Think of them like annoying relatives; they’ll never really go away, but you can learn to deal with them so that they don’t disrupt your life.”
What if your mum was hospitalised in a hospital for a suicide attempt? What would you do? For Johnny Donahoe, he decided to write down a list of things which were worth living for.