Recovery might mean the person with mental health issues becoming a brand new person. His or her interests may have changed. But I haven’t changed. I am still sensation-seeking, adventurous, spunky and weird. However, I notice that I used to like concrete and tangible items, such as bags, and clothing. However, nowadays, I go for experiences and knowledge, things which are less tangible in nature.
Depression is a part of the human condition, and I have been exploring depression as an art form lately. My mother chastises me for writing about depression all the time. Even for my group project, I had an idea of how a suicide attempt would be depicted using symbols in pictorial form, but my group members found it too negative. So nah. I am not trying to glamorise depression here, but I am trying to turn something abstract into something concrete, by writing poetry, writing prose, writing song lyrics.
Some friends may say that I have changed. According to a CAL session, recovery might mean the person with mental health issues becoming a brand new person. His or her interests may have changed. But I haven’t changed. I am still sensation-seeking, adventurous, spunky and weird. However, I notice that I used to like concrete and tangible items, such as bags, and clothing. However, nowadays, I go for experiences and knowledge, things which are less tangible in nature.
According to Wikipedia, there is a subset of depressive personality disorder, called the voguish depressive.
Voguish depressives see unhappiness as a popular and stylish mode of social disenchantment, personal depression as self-glorifying, and suffering as ennobling. The attention from friends, family, and doctors is seen as a positive aspect of the voguish depressive’s condition.
This description describes me so perfectly well. However, the depressive personality disorder is not in the DSM anymore. I am very interested in depression as a subject in terms of music and art, and doing poetry is a form of catharsis for me. Hence, a lot of my assignments talk about this topic in a very metaphorical, amorphous and abstract way.
For example, this whirlpool image which I made in photoshop. It is a very simple picture to make, but it shows how my negative thoughts are like a whirlpool or black hole, sucking everything into its core.
I made this image with photoshop, using a picture I found online. I traced over a picture of a girl with long flowing hair, and I coloured it, added lighting and added my own textures and gradient. This girl is looking far away into the distance like she is contemplating something. Her hair is flying all over the place, in an utter mess.
Some people speculated that Van Gogh killed himself after this painting. It offers perspective and depth into the deep murky waters in his mind. He clearly had a troubled soul and my lecturer said that the crows flying over the wheat field were representative of how the crows would fly after hearing the sound of the gunshots firing off in the distance.
I want to write more, and I had a lot of ideas just now. However, I was at PA Water Venture Changi and turns out that their event was slated for tomorrow, and I made a wasted trip. So I came back and went to the hospital to visit my grandfather. On the way to the hospital, I kind of forgot what I wanted to write.
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