I receive treatment at IMH and have attended a myriad of support groups both over the course of my stay in the ward and since then, across various outpatient settings. Recently, my therapist suggested I attend her Psychotherapy Process Group. The objective of which would be to actively work through sticky interpersonal issues that surfaced during group interactions. I struggle with BPD traits and since they tend to manifest themselves as trust and boundary issues in many of my intimate relationships, I decided to give it a go.
I am currently wading through the thick muck and mire of recovery from childhood sexual abuse, and sometimes it gets ugly. My therapist says that I “check out” as a defense mechanism – that I numb myself by disassociating from the trauma. And I do. Because I’m terrified to feel my feelings. I’m terrified that if I really let them out, I will be crushed by them. I’m getting there, slowly, one painful step at a time. But I’m getting there.